So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Life is so much better after having sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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