There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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