I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
