4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
