He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
