Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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