If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
