i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
