Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
