At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
