oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
