He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
