Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
