Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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