I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
