just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
