just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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