Sry I called you an 8
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
