Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
