Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
