This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
