she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
