So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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