whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
