not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
