I'm drive I can fine osifer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
