He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
