saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
