my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't deserve a penis
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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