I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
