So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
