it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
