a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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