thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
