he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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