I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
