it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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