508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
