That's intense
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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