The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
