Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
