Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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