My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
