so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
