so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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