Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
