idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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