i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
