I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
