I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
