Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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