I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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