her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
