I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
